Adjusting to Change during Marriage

I have no set menu plan for you this week. Most likely I will be going grocery shopping tomorrow and hammering out my menu plan sometime before I go. Life’s about change and we are dealing with a lot of changes. Nothing horrible, but nothing easy either.

Things have been in a constant state of flux for the last few months. My husband had always worked with his father at their small millwork business. The business has struggled with this economy. 2008 was a bad year, but hubby went back to work with his dad in 2009. Through 2010 and 2011, we have really struggled.

In May of this year, we knew that the business could not sustain us any longer. There was too much tension, the paychecks kept coming sporadically and we never even knew how much my husband was going to be paid. At the time, I had two what I thought we very reliable contract writing positions I could do from home. My husband planned to work part-time with his father and everything would be fine. My husband gets military education benefits, so we felt that now would be a great time to take advantage of them.

September turned out to be the month when everything poured down on us. My father in law had several bids and we thought the business would be ok, espcially with my husband working part-time. Well, no good bids came through and my husband was essentially left jobless. Days later my most reliable contract position essentially disappeared with very little warning. I’m still waiting on my last paychecks from them. My other contract position had been drying up for a few weeks and I recently learned I wouldn’t be making anything from them again, either.

It’s been tough. I know there are much worse things for people to go through and I am so thankful for what we have. My husband worked at a fast food restaurant for about two weeks and he recently found a better job. The downside is he is working 12 hour shifts at night. Right now it looks like they are expecting him to pull 60 hour weeks, this is on top of the 15 hours of school he has. He is working right now on just one hour of sleep. I’m hoping something changes really fast with the hours he is expected to work. They knew his school schedule before hiring him.

We have talked about our other options, and we don’t know what to do. We both feel strongly about not putting our children in daycare. I know if I had to go work and put our children in daycare, I wouldn’t make enough to cover all of our expenses. Daycare for two children would run me $800 to $1000 a month, and I’m just not comfortable leaving my kids with strangers all day, or at all. That’s not to say that I have a negative opinion of others who do put their kids in daycare. To each their own. I am fulfilled in my home with my children.

So, for now we are trying to adjust to these changes. Adjust to the new schedules, adjust to new responsibilities. I am worried about my husband not getting enough sleep, I’m taking over all of his responsibilities at home on top of mine. I’m hoping in a few years we will look back on this time together and laugh because we made it through. It’s just hard to see that right now.

I should add that my husband is in the Army Reserve. He has not been deployed since we were married, but he has been gone for 2 to 3 weeks at a time. You’d think him working nights would be a piece of cake, but I still miss him just as much. Here are a few other things I’m doing to help me adjust to this new schedule:

• Pray. I’m praying more than I used to, and I know that’s a good thing. I’m praying that we all make it through this time just fine. I’m praying for strength for my husband as well as myself. I’m praying for patience.
• No more nagging. I have a bad habit of being a nagging wife. No man likes a nagging wife, but I’ve done it. This needs to get done around the house, this needs to be taken care of. The things that need to be done will just have to wait until there’s time.
• Keep a positive attitude. I can be very pessimistic, I know. A positive attitude can go a long way in changing everything. As the wife and mom, the way I feel emotionally affects everyone. The best thing I can do is try to stay as positive as possible.