Well, we are about halfway through this deployment. I haven’t done a deployment journal in a while, so it’s time. You know they say that the deployment is hardest at the beginning and the end, but this halfway point has been pretty tough. I’m emotionally burned out. I miss my husband so much. It’s a feeling only a military spouse can understand. This isn’t a 2 week business trip. This is months and months of learning to do everything that you did as a couple by yourself. And it hurts.
Our world felt turned upside down with Luke left. I mean, I am learning to handle some things on my own, but I just can’t pick up his slack in the parenting department. He is the disciplinarian, and I really suck at it. That is frustrating. I can’t handle electronic equipment. Why does it seem that nothing works correctly when he is home and I have no idea how to fix things?
It’s been nearly ten years since I wrote my first letter to him during his deployment to Iraq. I can’t believe how quickly time has flown, how much we have grown together, the beautiful family we have created, and the fact that we are doing this again.
I told Luke that it is surreal to me that our baby has no idea what it’s like to have his Daddy home. All he knows is this crazy life where I’m the only parent around. I can’t tell you how challenging it has been for me. I am exhausted. My children are my world and I love them so much, but without my husband’s help I feel like all I do is run. Taking care of myself is hard and unfortunately not high on my to-do list because there simply is not time. I may steal small blocks of time here and there, but I rarely feel truly refreshed.
I am thankful for family who helps when they can. It’s just nothing can replace having your husband around.
On the plus side, I’m putting together mu hubby’s birthday care package. I have a beach theme in mind and I am really excited about it. I hope he loves it!
I’m happy to be on the downhill slide of this deployment. It is better than staring at a huge mountain and knowing you have to climb it. We are finally on the other side. I keep dreaming about homecoming. The very thought of just seeing him for the first time makes me tear up. I can’t wait for my kids to get their Daddy back and for me to get my husband back.
This post is part of my Deployment Journey series. See more posts here.