My Natural Miscarriage Story – Part 2

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This is Part 2 of my natural miscarriage story. Please be warned, this post may contain graphic details of my miscarriage. Please do not read if you are sensitive to things of this nature. 

My Natural Miscarriage Story

So, we headed to the ER. I was about six weeks pregnant based on my calculations and I knew an ultrasound could at least make sure the baby was in my uterus. The ER was horrible. We waited for hours. When we finally got called back, the nurse decided I needed a catheter for my ultrasound. I wish I had refused it. 

Ultrasounds in the ER are not fun. I had a catheter inside of me, so I could not get up to walk anywhere. I laid on the cold, hard hospital bed while the ultrasound tech wheeled me through a maze of hallways and into an elevator. They refused to let my husband come with me, so I was alone. I was scared. Once we reached the room, I lay there quietly while the girl performed a transvaginal ultrasound. Of course, I wasn’t allowed to look at the screen. The tech didn’t say much of anything other than according to her measurements I was seven weeks pregnant, which did not match any dates I could have had. 

I asked if there was a heartbeat. Without looking at me she said, “It’s too early to tell.” My heart sank. If I was seven weeks pregnant, there would be a heartbeat. I knew enough about having babies to know that.

She silently wheeled me back to the tiny little ER room where we would wait for the doctor to give us the verdict. I told my husband I was sure I was miscarrying. When the doctor came in he didn’t look solemn, instead he had a big smile on his face, “Well, there’s a baby in there. In fact, there’s two!”

“What? Twins? What?” I was genuinely shocked, but it did explain my weird early symptoms. The doctor went on to say, “One of the babies is a bit smaller than the other. It may or may not make it. You need to be on bedrest until the bleeding stops.”

I went home in shock over the news. Luke, on the other hand, was ecstatic. He took the next day off from work while I did nothing but lay on the couch. I woke up that morning with more brown bleeding. More than ever before. I tried to tell myself it was just from the ultrasound. That it was going to be ok. I researched twin pregnancies all day. Spotting was normal…I thought maybe it would be fine, although I had no idea how I was supposed to be on bedrest when I had three other very young children to care for.

That evening I took a shower and then tried to get everyone ready for bed. When I went to the bathroom I noticed the bleeding had turned to bright red and was significantly more. I knew this was the end, but I still did not know what to expect. I showed my husband and his face sank. He asked if he should take me back to the hospital. I said no and laid beside my one year old while he went to sleep. I googled what to expect during a miscarriage. I had no idea how long the process would take or what I would see. 

It wasn’t long after my son went to sleep that I could literally feel my cervix dilate a little and then I felt a gush. I was preparing myself for pain, but I did not have much pain at all. I shuffled the three steps to my bathroom. When I pulled down my shorts I was met with blood, lots and lots of blood and the placenta/sac that contained my babies. I was in shock at the amount of blood I saw. I made it to the toilet and put my head between my legs and prayed I wouldn’t pass out. When I finally got my composure and the light headedness passed I picked up the sac. It may sound strange, but I was hoping I could see my babies. I could not.

I called out to my husband to bring a Ziplock. I couldn’t bear to flush what I was holding. Before he entered the room I cautioned him. There was blood all over the floor, blood all over my legs and feet, and there was blood all over my hands. Of course he came in. The look on his face was of surprise, but he wasn’t squeamish about the blood. I had temporarily forgotten this man had been in combat before and had seen much worse. I can’t tell you how thankful I am that my miscarriage happened at night, with my children asleep and my husband home. I couldn’t have handled it on my own. 

Once the shock passed I started crying. I was sad and I was scared. I called my mom, who had a miscarriage before I was born, but she was actually in the ER with my dad. She told me to call my doctor, so I called the after hours number and spoke with the on-call OB. She told me that as long as the bleeding was beginning to slow I could wait until the next day to come into the office.

My husband is one amazing man. He helped me to the shower. He cleaned blood off of my legs. He got on hands and knees and scrubbed blood off the floor. Who does that? He is my rock.

After I took a shower I called my Nana to tell her what happened and then I went to sleep. I felt exhausted. The bleeding was still somewhat heavy, but it wasn’t excessive. I was also still passing bits of tissue when I went to my OBs office the next day. It’s weird how people treat you when you’re miscarrying. I had to have an ultrasound to make sure everything came out so I could avoid a D&C. Thankfully, my ultrasound was clear. I don’t think I could take anything else. 

I went home and felt NUMB. I don’t know why. Maybe it was my way of protecting myself emotionally. I was just NUMB to the whole thing. I knew that I wasn’t meant to have those babies here on Earth, and I tried to accept that. I was not prepared to have the “baby blues” after my miscarriage, but here’s the deal. Whether you have a baby in your arms or not, your hormones still have to come back down. I know for the first couple of weeks after I have a baby I will usually have times where I cry for no reason. The same happens after a miscarriage. Everyone expects you to be back to normal so soon, but you’re not normal, you can’t be. I cried off and on a lot. I was also weak from losing blood.

If you know someone who has experienced a miscarriage, be there for them. Offer them help. My miscarriage happened early, and I was able to have a natural miscarriage. Some people don’t know they are miscarrying so early. Some have to have a D&C. Even if you don’t know what to say, the best thing you can do is just be there. It’s likely the person going through the miscarriage is experiencing a million emotions that they themselves don’t even know how to handle.

My story does not end with my miscarriage. There is a rainbow. 

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